A mental clear out!

I know that previous post was highly negative - believe me though, it could have been worse! I'm glad to say that it did the trick, and I feel a million times better for getting it off my chest. Now I can try to work out what I want to gain from this opportunity, seeing as I am here! I really can't justify not achieving something from this year - I would be so angry and disappointed in myself, and I know I would disappoint others along the way.

So, a list of things I want to gain:

* German skills.

Yes. I am struggling. The first few weeks here were terrifying, especially on the language course, which was taught in German (this is not the case in England, so what a bloody shock!) Imagine being taught the grammar of a language you don't understand, IN the language you don't understand... Now imagine me in hysterics (the not so good kind) whilst I try to work out what the plusquamperfekt is...

Thankfully, I have evolved from that shivering ball of nerves, (*cough*) and I am currently on another two German courses - grammar and phonetics. And - with the threat of a test looming next week - I have found a miraculous urge to apply myself to the cause of learning sentence structures...

I may have used this picture before. But lately I've been too busy studying  German to photograph it...

I'm still not doing so great with every day conversation, but it is so so so so so so sososososososososososo easy to speak in English with everyone here. And whilst I would not call myself lazy, I'm certainly not inclined to make my head hurt whilst asking a friend 'when are you free?' (I think it is something like: 'Wann hast du zeit?' And no. I did not use Google Translate for that ;D)

So yes, German skills! Kinda getting there! (Kinda.)

*Rediscover my creative self

Guys, I used to draw. I was never exactly skilled, but it gave me immense satisfaction and happiness to see the results of several hours work on a page. It made me feel good. In the last few years I haven't drawn a thing (thanks Degree!) and I've been feeling very cut off from myself. Crazy huh? And once I didn't make time to draw anymore, I lost the creative buzz to crochet, to go on a photo-shoot or to do anything I once absolutely needed to do. I know this doesn't sound dramatic, but it really is. (I promise.)

So I started an art journal last week. Sure, I've started art journals before, and they were not successful, but this one is different! Why? Because, because, because, because, becauseeeeeee (because of the wonderful things he does? Ok, Wizard of Oz moment has passed...)

First full page - sums up allllll the pre-Erasmus jitters IMHO

*coughs*

Because it's an Erasmus art journal, and it's one part memory recording, one part catharsis and two parts creative-y goodness. (Pretend like you didn't notice the Judy Garland personality switch...) I'll be starting my fourth page either later tonight or tomorrow. Feels good :)

*Meet great people and make good friendships

Like I was told before I came here, it is impossible to not meet people on your Erasmus year. And I have met great people; everyone is open and friendly, and really I am my own worst enemy when it comes to accepting invitations out or doing anything spur-of-the-moment. I hope to work on these stupid insecurities over the year - and I think I am already making progress! When my highly negative inner-monologue starts whispering in it's evil Mephisto voice, I tell it to shut the f*** up. And most of the time this works, so hooray for small victories over your own psyche!

Resting up after the first half of a hike in Sachsen Schweiz

So, do those three things seem like good goals? I think they are (:

Maybe next time I will write about the cool things I've seen and done in between the emotional yo-yo-ing ;)

-Rae