This is an incredible revelation for me. Where did that 'oh-my-god-six-weeks-is-forever' feeling go? When did I suddenly become happy? How did I become happy? What changed?
I really don't have the answer to these things. It just 'is', and I just 'am'. And I think the key to riding this beast called Anxiety is to go with it and try not to question it too much:
Cant't leave the house today?
Ok, instead of thinking what is wrong with me?! set to trying to be productive where I can.
Oh look, here comes a wave of hopeless despair!
Ride it 'til it breaks.
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| When Anxiety hits, get productive. Easier said than done, of course! |
You get the idea...
So, here I am, writing a blog post instead of my essay which must be submitted this afternoon. It's a monster. Not that it is difficult, but my brain has had enough. I want to knit. I want to draw and go on coffee dates with Scott and see my friends without the burden of goodbye and, and and...
But no. Richard III is hovering over me like a bad smell, as is the revision for my other two exams. There is no justice in this world.
Next week my (awesome) housemate and I will take a day trip to Berlin to meet with a friend of hers and catch a photography exhibition on a part of the Berlin Wall. I'm excited to finally go to Berlin. Yep. I have lived two hours away from it for five months (not including those months I spent in England) and I am only just getting around to going. I guess I don't have as much wanderlust as I thought I did. That, or maybe Germany is not the place for me.
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| I'm feeling so thankful for this year. Even if it has been a bitch at times... |
I know in Italy I wanted to see it all, and Prague was the same. But. By 'see it all' I don't mean all the famous sites and monuments. For some reason, these things don't hold much appeal. I want to walk the streets, drink the coffee and read the graffiti. I want to point my camera in the direction of anything that looks interesting and capture the mood. I want to sit on benches, eating ice cream and people watch. I want to hear other people talking in languages I can't even name and try to guess their life stories (or even what they are saying!) Maybe this is wanderlust, and sight-seeing is for tourists.
I don't know, I don't have the answer to this either, but I do know that when we go to Berlin next week, I won't care for the Reichstag one bit, but that stationery shop owned by the crazy guy with dreadlocks?
Awesome.
-Rae
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