Six weeks.

I have lots of wonderful things to be thankful for. I'm living abroad! This is the dream! I got to go to the Czech Republic and Italy. My German is even a tiny little bit better. But right now, all I want to do is go home, back to England. It is six weeks (and two days, to be exact) before my flight takes off. And I have an absolute mountain to climb before I can check in and check on out of Deutschland.

It's 'just' six weeks. After all this time, why is it the last six weeks that hurt so much? I guess it is because I can see that finish line. It's right there, so close I can hear the engines of the aircraft, feel the hugs of the people I left behind. I'm already there in my head... sadly my body is trapped in normal time and I have to go the slow way.

One step at a time. Tonight I practically completed a presentation that I must deliver on Tuesday. Tomorrow I'll finish it completely and plan my attack on the rest of my academic mountain. (Yes. That was what I meant by 'mountain...It's my own fault, I never learn!) I plan to wake up, attend uni, work, eat and sleep. Maybe I'll come up for air for a little bit, but from now on I can't relax. I can see the end, and I don't want to risk it slipping further from my grasp.

I know I will value this experience. I already do to an extent - I am so fortunate to be here, in all my complaining! Even at my lowest (believe me - it was low) I still thought, in the back of my mind, that Erasmus was worth it. My mouth may have said a million regrets, and my heart may have agreed with all of its being, but in a tiny, oft-ignored part of my brain, a small voice whispered 'no...it's not like that.'

It's not like that...

Would I recommend an Erasmus year to another student? I guess I would. But I would burden them with every possible down-side as well as the good things. I had a complete bitchy rant on here about the lack of non-biased info given to me before I signed up. I am so not going to conform to that. But I just know that it won't be the message people want to hear. You only have to read the discussion on this article and on this facebook page to understand that if you didn't have a good time and want to let people know that it could be the same for them, then it was clearly your own fault. I don't even want to get started on those people, but I'm prepared for them. Plus, I wouldn't say my year abroad was terrible, just... a difficult lesson. With some great times sprinkled in, to make it easier to swallow. (Which is what the author of the article was also trying to say, and got hounded as a crybaby.)

I feel somewhat better for having voiced these thoughts. I want to write about the good things that have happened lately, and post some pictures from Italy, but I needed to disperse this nasty, gloomy rain cloud. Six weeks is nothing, right?

-Rae